Today was my three month pet/ct scan. The rain and wind were blowing and the trailer with the scanner at San Jose was definitely shaking. Others refer to this time as "scanxiety" as I wait for results and the mind goes to all the what ifs. I've told a few people that after 7 years with Dr. J. I know her pattern. If it's good news, I'll get an email Friday or Monday with the results. If it's mixed results or bad news, she'll wait until she sees me face-to-face next Thursday afternoon. Meanwhile, I wait. We know my tumor markers have been inching up, but overall I feel well and have tolerated the side effects of this chemo. My hope and prayer is that I can keep on this regimen for another 3-6 months, but we shall see. If not, changes will come in January because I won't change before the end of semester and Christmas. I've learned that one month doesn't make a significant difference in treatment overall.
While the damp weather makes the bones ache a little more, I'm so grateful for the rain that cleared the smoke and quashed the fires. It's amazing how many people I know with a connection to the town of Paradise. My own college memories are very connected to that town with one roommate that grew up there and another that lived and worked there for several years and started their family there. I have been so inspired by the many stories of kindness that have risen from such tragedy and it gives me faith in humanity. Also, it puts my own life in perspective. Everyone has something and we just have to keep moving forward the best we can to our own abilities. With help from my own faith and my loved ones, I am lucky in so many ways.
I'll post once I know results. Meanwhile the sound of rain while I'm warm and dry inside sounds lovely.
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