Scans, Loss and Legacy

Morning sunrise out my front window.  

First off, I got my scan results yesterday.  They were mixed as some new lesions have appeared in the liver, but old spots in liver, lymph nodes and bones remain stable or improved.  My doctor and I have agreed to stay on this treatment for another three months and see what my next scan in December shows.  The side effects from this set of drugs has been manageable and the limited work schedule seems to help with the energy on the days I am at school. I am very grateful for Liz who's subbing as I know the library is in good hands, and she does some of the tasks I never quite have time to complete.  680 freshmen rotated through the library over the last month with their English teachers and learned what all we have to offer them.   Some individual teacher/class presentations until October when the PE classes start rotating through the library with their 9th graders.  I love the chance to teach so much in the fall.  It's one of the best parts of my job!

On a different note, there's been too much death in my life lately and it brings the reality of this disease just that much closer.  It's also made me reflective on legacy and how I want to be remembered.  (Not that I think it's coming soon!)

First, one of my mom's first cousins, Elspeth passed away shortly after being diagnosed with cancer.  She was 80 years old and had persevered with many health challenges over the year.  She was a cousin that always held great mystique for me.  I was six years old when she left the US for the South Pacific to teach school on the island of Kwajalein as a single woman.  She was always Mom's "exotic cousin" to me even after she returned to mainland and settled in the Monterey Bay region.  After Mom retired she and another cousin would meet regularly for lunches and sometimes I would be fortunate enough to join them.  Their stories of growing up in Oregon and lives beyond are beautiful memories.  Elspeth's memorial service won't be until Sept. 22, but if her 80th birthday party to go by, it will be well attended with some amazing stories of her legacy.

Second, one of the women in my support group passed away in July.  Her memorial was a few weeks ago.  I attended along with three others in our group.  It was a beautiful service.  Her sister held up a prism when she spoke and it made me think of all the different facets of this woman's life.  We knew her as a fellow cancer patient but others knew her before that facet developed.  The stories were fascinating--tango, computer expert, detail oriented sister and so much more.  The reception room had a table of memorabilia including photo albums from childhood on, that she had meticulously chronicled who/what each picture represented.  My apologies to my nieces who will most likely find mine; they aren't that well documented and I don't know that they ever will be.  

Third, the neighbor across the street from my parents died on her 94th birthday.  My parents have lived across the street from her since the 1970's so this is a long time relationship.  Her oldest daughter and I went from 3rd-12th grades together.  The youngest daughter faithfully lived with and took care of Mom since her husband died 10 years ago.  What a life she lived.  Her services were last week and also revealed the many sides of this woman.  I'm glad I took the time off to attend her service since Mom and Dad were traveling.  I got to catch up with my parents' neighbors I wave at when I'm headed in to Mom & Dad's and acknowledge Connie's life to her two daughters.  

Then on the periphery are two others in the support group earlier this year that I didn't know as well but still impact.  A long time district employee that I didn't know but the tributes to her that circulated were touching and illustrated what an impact small things can have on others.  Then there's John McCain's death that dominated the news.   His legacy and impact have certainly been illuminated.  Aretha Franklin's 9 hour memorial service has to be one for the history books.

So what does all this rambling mean?  I'm not sure.  The sun will rise again tomorrow and I will continue on this roller coaster ride.  It's just been in my thinking.  As someone who knows this metastatic disease will eventually bring on my death, I can't help but wonder how others will remember me and how do I want to be remembered?  I'm not asking for accolades and comments.  It's just something I'm pondering with this season of loss.   


It's enough for now, I'm ready for some happier events.  Anyone want to announce an engagement, pending birth or other happy event to celebrate please do!